- I just noticed that I'm tired of trying to impress those around me. At times I do care too much about what people think of me in the sense that I want to impress them...mostly with the way I look on the outside. On the other hand, I am happy to say I don't care what people think at times in the sense that I won't do something in particular just to fit in--I proudly stick to my beliefs w/o conforming to those around me. For some odd reason I make myself believe that I have to try EXTRA hard in order to stand out and impress others. But reaally, I should not go OUT OF MY WAY to impress others...it should come naturally. If others aren't naturally impressed by who I am when I'm just chillin', then they're not worth the extra effort right? Or atleast that's what I want to make myself believe.

- Sometimes I just wish that I would "Just Do It" to just friggen do what I feel without giving it a second thought...especially if that second thought involves me chickening out from taking a risk.

- Ofcourse I want to stand out of the crowd, but then again sometimes I really wish I didn't care. Another reason I want to make sure I stand out of a crowd is because I have my insecurities, self-doubt, yet an ambition towards the goal of looking a certain way that I find will help me stand out. Now don't get the wrong idea, I don't dress in a way that is "not me" just to impress...I put the extra effort in dressing as appealing as I can in a style that I like and feel comfortable in.

- Yeah yeah yeaaaah, I don't this game...dealin' with temporary affection -.-

- Is it bad to want CRED sometimes...I think this just goes back to wanting attention -.-

- At times I do think I have a much more important purpose in my life right now...and that's why things are happening the way they are. I feel the importance I play in peoples' lives as a friend, company, or someone to talk to who is more of a 3rd party with her own opinion of it all. Maybe I won't be a gf, or not a good friend when I am a gf. Bt then again...I AM DETERMINED to stay the same and stick with the promise I made to myself about priorites and keeping in mind how it felt to be on the outside looking in.

- It's not wrong to sort of dislike something about people who you are close to right? No one is perfect..perfectly likeable and perfectly able to like THE WHOLE PERSON.

- I daydream a lot, thinkiong of the endless possibilites or outcomes of certain situations :\

- I am looking forward to senior year! Let's hope it doesn't let me down lool.

- Why can't I just LET THE FCK GO! jeez, Clearly nothing will ever come out of this, and you would think that I would have realised this aaaages ago--literally. I don't think this "holding onto" you is a sign that there is hope. I KEEP SAYING that I will give up and let go, but I'm really sorry to say that there is that odd time, moment or THING that just triggers your name and face into my mind. But who even knows why? Cuz damn I haven't even seen you in the longest time (and I doubt I will any time soon due to your lack of effort to even say hi). False high expectations of "this time being different" annd "it's okay, I'm okay with how this is going..this is good!". Gaaah.

- If I don't believe in myself, no one else will. Ohh great. I'm "on anf off" with a thing called BELIEF.

- I'm "on and off" with a thing called jealousy and "getting over it".

- The simplest "hi" or "thank you" or SMILE, makes all the difference. Throw one in once in a while, would'ya?

- I don't like pity, because it often leads to me feeling guilty that you felt the need to help out. Honestly, it makes me feel worse, becasue I tend to blame myself.

- I like/want the wrong things at the wrong time.

- I don't feel like talking. I feel like blogging.

pet peeve:
People thinking their bf/gf is the shit! Like really you don't have to bs bout them being THE ONE and THE ONLY ONE and you're gonna marry them and LOVE THEM from the day they "ask you out" (excluding the fact that the question now translates to THAT today is the date we share are you are now my bf/gf even tho we didn't even GO ON a date yet.) What happened to the old fashioned ways of courting someone. When going on dates and hanging out for months at a time before calling them your bf/gf? Call me a hater because I haven't even been in a relationship myself, but do not dare assume that just because I haven't lived it means that I am totally clueless. And call me extra for waiting for a relationship WORTH having and worth my time. I am not looking for a husband but someone worth me calling my boyfriend and not for the label to be there...but for the feelings to be there. I'm not looking for perfect obviously, but looking for something real--whether it ends good or bad it is an experience worth having with lessons learned and no regrets. Kay yes, excuse my raandom rant -.-

Dancing in a packed crowd in the pouring rain, partying till midnight, and screaaming my head off for Ryan Bandong & Aj Rafael was how August 21st 2010 was speeent! A night I will definitely never forget. Haha this was a crazy night from this summer & something to add to when I say..."When I was 17..." LOOL It was soo dramatic too, the LIVERRR the performances got...the HARDER it rained--it just made everything else that more ridiculously insane! These pictures will just have a huuge story behind them ♥ & Ryan you are profile picture worthy!

From Ryan Bandong's Twitter:
"Making Waves was like in the final dance scene of Step Up 2. Damn Epic" about 24 hours ago via web
"An amazing time performing in Toronto. I can't believe everyone stayed in the pouring rain! FREAKING INCREDIBLE" about 24 hours ago via web
- aah it was friggen EPIC and I knew it felt like a music video/dance scene..something soo spontaneous that you would never expect to tbe a part of LOL

From Aj Rafael's Twitter:
" dedication = standing in the POURING rain for hours to watch me perform, AND staying in the rain to meet us afterwards. God bless you all... 12:42 AM Aug 22nd via web
- hope that this night was as unforgettable for you guys as it was to us! Never forget us lol, the ones who stayed out jammin' with you in the pouring rain ;D

ALL IN ALL, THE BAD WEATHER DEFINITELY DID NOT STOP US! & to top it all off from 1:30AM-4AM we were chillin' with them on Blogtv..baha DAMN they are soo live! They did shout outs, and serenaded us with their amaazingness haha! wow they mos def do not disappoint! ♥
#12 [x] RYAN BANDONG IN TORONTO IN AUGUST..WHAT?! :D ♥

I don't love it,
but I don't hate it.
I just have to deal with it.

lately I have been realizing..
that you should chill on that.
Cuz sooner or later imma say something :S

#35 [x] Make pie w. Abby & Adrian (:
This was a total success and it was reaaly fun! Tasted yummy with the icecream on top! lol, looking forward to our next dish (:

I know this may sound horrible...but you drive me to be a better me. Sadly it's only because my secret jealousy of you. I tend to have a competitive side with those who seem to be similar to me..I guess.

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I had so much on my mind! I was thinking bout my senior year that will start in September and the yearbook/grad pics :P I was thinking bout what the voiceover says on "when I was 17" that saays "What will you say you did when you were 17?" I was thinking bout how I am going to make my senior year the best and unforgettable year yet, and I was wondering what message I will leave on the grad page of the yearbook...On top of that I was thinking bout my future bedroom makeover that I'm planning to do on September the 4th! (my hope is that if I keep saying it, it will come true(; lool) AND I was thinking bout the week coming up and FMW and my haircut that my mom wants me to get soon. Just everything that I possibly thinking about..I was. And that is all, good day (:

daaaamn I missed you guysss!
You guys had a concert last night and we actually had permission to go! it was on my TO-DO list ever since I saw you guys in concert on tv back in like first sem. of grade 10!! :(
jeez man it wouldda been the highlight of my year! and an unbelievable "first" experience! it woulda been so live to sing to the top of my lunchs all your old songs :(
maaaaan just if I had money..w/o a job I woulda had to save every penny I had since Christmas to buy a ticket (N)
Pleeease come back soon & be sure to bring the oldies-but-goodies with you pls&thx! (:

#31 [x] Bestfriends chillage @the beach
Such a chill day and feelin' more independant (:

Today was amaazing. Group mission to niagara (; 10AM to 9PM. It was soo fun, even when I even thought things were going bad...things just got reeally fun all of a sudden LOL. Mission was accomplished: clubbin' w/ Mark!, Scenic view with Jenn, & Ferris Wheel with Momo!...none of which made me want to barf! (Y) It was such a refreshingly, chill, live day spent with the faam (:
And it's our own little secret!

- You can say I'm scared of heights
- I get dizzy easy/often
- I'm probably my biggest critic
- I over-think situations
- I'm covering my face for 90% of a scary movie
- I am directionally challenged
- I don't like being alone
- I can't walk around in the dark without creeping myself out
- Not a big fan of cats...but dogs ain't that bad
- I'm scared of "Kitty Galore" from that movie w/ cats and dogs
- the highlight of my day was staring at my room and redesigning the makeover I want to do to it this summer
- The best shows are on from 8-10PM (:
- Sometimes I care too much about what people will think
- Sleep w/ socks on
- I'm a sucker for smiles :D

- I dislike people taking my words
- Yes, I can be a real bitch...no lies
- I can be quite competitive behind the scenes
- I loooove clouds
- I loooove stars
- Purple has been my fave colour since foreva
- I am 4-waying with Momo, Bianca & Ivan...been on the phone for atleast 3 hours!
- If there is no knew things to interest me, I go back to old habits
- I am rambling and on the comp to keep me awake
- I want to paint my room teal this summa w/ red accents
- Need to buy new sunglasses
- I love my cheetah print bed sheets!
- It is 2AM and i just ended the 4hr & 28min phone call cuz my battery is dying
- It is 2:11AM & goodnight!

I have never been online(msn) for the loongest time especially with summer school in July and all. I see my pm says "a lost cause" referring to a feeling I had near the beginning of July (proving it has been that long since I have been on). This reminds me of the movie I just watched today, "Charlie St. Cloud". He mentions that "there is no such things as a lost cause"...meaning, that nothing is hopeless, you just need some faith. Connecting this to my feelings behind my pm, still does not change my hope in that "lost cause". But oh well, I can agree and disagree with that thought...depending on the situation. Because sometimes you need to be more positive and have hope for the better, but at other times...you just need to let go and move on.