I know no one uses this anymore and I"m sure no one will ever see this...and I'm more than fine with that.

I just can't help but VENT. I must!

I hate myself for being so hopelessly blind. I know I put you on this pedestal and as cheesy as it sounds I wait for OUR destined happily ever after. I try to control our fate, in dear belief that the universe is in our favour. I'm weak, and when it comes to you...I'm no different. I take every good moment and I hang on--I find infinite happiness with thoughts of you. It's ridiculous.

I try not to brag to all my friends about you, but I think its my desire for human attraction that causes me to take us into something bigger than we are (atleast yo me). I feel the lack of interest and experience in my life causes me to hang on to the little things, in fear that nothing better will come along. With a high hopeful voice, theses stories give them hope and faith in me as well. Sorry. I say I don't wanna "jinx" it, but freal, I am entitled ti tel my friends how I'm feeling when it comes to you.

- I have no idea...whatsoever, how you feel about me now nor do I know how you felt about me for the past 12 years I've known you.
- Why do I remain in-like with you? You were my first crush, and you remain stored in the back of my mind for the next 10 years after you moved away. We were able to reunite on only 2 occasions...sadly.

But there's something about you and our memories and conversations that lead me to believe that there lies something worth waiting for...

- I hate that I'm holding on to something that was never mine! I can't seem to let go.
- I don't want to regret my decision to leave or stay, this is when my untimate flaw comes into play. I overthink EVERYTHING, and I continue to lie to myself in an effort to be convinced that it'll all be worth it. I overthink my messages to you, I overanalyze your responses, I tell myself that you have reaasssons to not message me--but the truth is plainly...IF YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME, YOU WOULD. Followed by the thought that "its inevitable that if you miss someone you would holla" However, in turn, I am faced with the reminder that that isn't set in stone because I fail to do that exact gesture--I miss you but don't do shit about it. I just sit here, venting my feelings into the keyboard and telling my friends of the goodtimes. I have too much faith.

But I can never tell you. You don't understand how I feel. Why? Because I never told you--and I don't plan on it anytime soon. And thus, here I remain...no progress.

Mindset: DEADLINE (based on our experiences thus far) will be the end of summer vacacy 2012.