"Sometimes we are discouraged with God but if we have faith in his instructions to "go out farther" (Luke 5:1-11) beyond expectations, we will be rewarded.
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The future is sometimes something that we fear because of it mysteriousness; but then again, the anticipation also makes it exciting.

1. I'm sorry I don't wanna look like an idiot. Who knows if this is sub-consciously driven by jealousy...but fun is different than regret. I don't wanna present myself that way.

2. You. What a shame. Yes I am probably over-analyzing as I usually do but one never forgets.

3. Think. Pray. Dream. Dare. People can surprise you sometimes yenno?

Don't down-grade your dreams hoping that it'll increase the likelihood that it'll come true. Dream Big. Have Faith. Don't settle for less.

Expectations = Disappointments? Naw, only if your positive that they will end up disappointing you. Your mind is powerful, sometimes you may convince yourself that things are as impossible as they seem.

4. Sometimes it's nice to get away from everyone for awhile, whether it be that you take a break from them or they take a break from you. I know that sounds odd but its true. Sometimes you just need time to think...breath, and get things straight.

Chuck: I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.
Blair: I don’t love you anymore…but it takes more than even you to destroy a Blair Waldorf.
Chuck: Your world would be easier if I didn’t come back.
Blair: That’s true, but it wouldn’t be my world without you in it.

GOSSIP GIRL IS THE SHIZ RIGHT NOW :D

what even happened?
we go from being reaaally close like real homies, to avoiding eye contact -.- I hate this.
1) Soldier. To be honest I was frustrated w/ you at one point, I just don't like your vibe at all sometimes--but I keep my cool, I don't judge. We always get over it. But now? Not even a smile when I say hi. Did I do something wrong? To be honest, you frustrate me sometimes...'cause sometimes you can be so cold. Just a smile and a hi, that is all I hope for.
2) Buddy. Like freal, weird looks, and not even a smile? What is this? I know we don't see each other much cause we have no classes but like it seems like you don't know me and you're judging me -_-" I don't like being looked at like that BTW.
3) Beats. Why do I always put myself in these kind of situations? It all starts the same, and ends with the same decision--running away. Whatever your intention...I don't want this. I am too complicated freal. I'm curious when I don't see you, and I question when I'm with you. I don't like you guys "thinking things" behind my back. Like freal. Speak to my face gaah. I just smiled those times with you because I like being friendly, and I like hugs...but, not when other people think its more -.- I don't want to be like every other girl, but then again what makes me so special anyways?
4) Sandwich. You don't even look at me anymore. Though I can say the same thing to myself. At one point this summer you annoyed me...just a tad. But I guess that's karma.
5) Code Red. I can't look at you without our past flashing before me eyes. It wasn't much but it still happened, and it was different for me. Yeah I didn't want it to continue because it was too complicated but now I think about it..I'm reliving it all over again with someone else. It's a bad habit I have and I have the tendency to let things slip through the cracks. What a shame, I didn't want to cut you out entirely...I thought there was hope for the "real deal" kinda friendship =[
6) Blue Sweetness. Hey you. I like talking to you, with no intetnions more than being a nice friend to chill with especially when different highschools are not an issue or excuse. It's just always nice to talk with you (:
7) Gray areas. It is what it is. Whatever happens will happen but I will not fight. Yes it's sort of a shame, but it is understandable. No big.
^ Everything I'm ranting/blaming you guys for, I am equally to blame for the way things are.

So it is definitely your day...cause you are the one on my mind. Our past is just something I just have to learn from. And I shall not make an excuse that we should "talk it out" before things can be "normal"; instead, I would like to start off with the "be normal" part and "talk it out" later because I may be just letting the opportunity pass us by :\. I can't continue to put it off, because that means that I'm still dwelling on the past instead of living in the present day. The present day tells me to just be friendly--to be friends with you. For today atleast, I hope that this present is enough.
No regrets, just love.

ps, for some reason what I say is of quite importance to me. It is my present--it is the present. So I hope it brings atleast a little grin to your face and btw, I wouldn't just do this for anyone.

quoted from "The Sermon on the Mount"
Giving
"...But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Pray in secret
"...And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

Treasures
"...But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
"...Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"
"...But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

The narrow gate
"...Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it."

What JP & I were doing yesterday during spare...
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..LOL!

Please don't blame you, it just makes me feel worse (though you have no idea). I know one day in the future we will look back on our situation and have a nice talk about it as the past. I will confess how I hope that you didn't think I was rude...cause it was not my intention. It's just the way I was/am and how I deal with situations like that (numerous times in my past). I was immature...and I still am, I don't know how to deal with stuff like that.

And for the past couple years spent in highschool I have always been thinking to myself "aw, I want a boyfriend! I can't wait". But as I witnessed relationships form and break before my eyes I have come to learn a lot of things. I want my first boyfriend to mean something. No, I don't mean I'm looking for Mr. Perfect, "MY FUTURE HUSBAND" just yet...I just ant my relationship to be worth the experience, emotions, time, and not like those bs ones. As a result, lately I've come to realize that I don't want to be in a relationship; I'm more in the mood for some really good friends, some interesting people to talk to.

I hope we start talking again, cause it wasn't just you who made things awkward. FYI, I have the tenancy to make things awkward becuase of my fear of confrontation. I don't like to hurt people, and if talking things out will result in that...I don't want it. Don't think it was ALL YOU, and it was you who is to blame. Because the way we are now is also as a result of how I dealt with it by leaving it alone (not quite ignoring you, but avoiding the confrontation). And I get if you don't reaally want to talk to me because you feel that I don't like you etc. cause I understand that I may have made you think I didn't care at all to even be friends. When in reality, the thing I really feared was making you believe in a relationship way too serious than what I wanted. So, I just tried to keep it strictly to a limit, without being rude (but I guess you got the point -.-) I think who we both were then, and who we both are now still needs a big of maturing. And the day will come when we will have the guts to just talk this thing out, because currently we are taking the "awkwardness" of the whole situation as an excuse to let is slide..for now. We both know we will need to talk this out and once our common tenancy to avoid confrontation goes away, it will be a good day.

PS, I do want to be your friend because I think you're a reaally nice and cool person to get to know. Maan, we just need the friggen Titanic to break this iceberg that's built up between us. We can , I mean are going to be friends...if not great, atleast good friends. Cause I feel we're a lot alike in terms of how we deal with situations and how we feel, and I guess the fact we share the habit of blogging out how we feel about this situation instead of saying it straight up atm proves that we have something in common :P lol Maybe we don't exactly have the compatibility to be more than friends...but I think we have the components needed for a nice friendship (once we talk in person xD)!

I am a dreamer. I love both clouds and stars...and the whole shabang! I just noticed that if I could use one word to describe me it would be "dreamer". If there is one word that I love for some reason, it's "dream". I daydream and zone out alot of times...clouds tend to mesmerize me. I sleep when I'm bored. I sleep when I'm angry. I sleep to get away from my problems. When I sleep/dream, I am in my own world. I have ambition, tonnes of mental "to-do"lists and goals. I always try to push myself to be a better me...it gives me something to do. I'm one of those people who love the thought of flying though I'm not a fan of heights. I guess that means I dream big, though fear what I am capable of--fear the height.

"I'm a dreamer. I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds." -Mike Tyson

You can say I worry about the future alot--but what can I say..I'm a dreamer.

Remember we are two different people--so treat us that way. Even if that means that one gets treated better than the other...atleast then, we'll know its real. Treat us as individuals? Much respect to you. 'Cause we don't need pity, we just needed to be treated as individuals (we are not joined at the hip yenno). We love each other, yes, but you need to let us do our our thaangs. 'Cause currently we are growing to want to do different things...go different places...so it's time to let that happen. I want this for her, and I know how much this means to her...so please, let her go experience it for herself.

I dislike it when other people tell me shit that I don't care about (why, should I?). Like freal, do you want me to get jealous or something?...cause that's what you're doing -.- whatdoyouwant
I dislike the word jealous. And I dislike when I get that way.
I dislike people who brag...
Juss Sayin'

well I can't help you out, if you don't open up a bit...and tell me shit -.-"
gaah I'm just tryna help here.

What you don't know, you just gotta believe (8) - DWW