1. For a while, I have put an effort in giving up on you. Yes, I can just be stubborn, or just plain wise--who knows. But I broke that effort, by talking to you yesterday. But to my surprise I can now say it was not what I expected, it was a short conversation and I literally only got to say what I wanted to say; which was that I may take summer school in your school. Then the convo was over and you were gone. But I now realize that it was okay, because if you hadn't left, I probably would have continued to feel the NEED to get more out of our friendship (the constant story of our past). So I'm good, and I choose NOT to go to your school. Just to prove to myself that I'm no longer putting the effort in, I mean why bother (so I've learned)? Instead, My friend and I can attend a school that is the same distance as your school, but the point is, that IT IS NOT. I need closure. I need to get away, and I need to stop finding reasons to go against my decisions, gotta stop tryna find those loop holes. Because when you try to find something (reasons or flaws) in a person or a relationship, you will find them. So at the instant that I saw your school name listed, I jumped at the opportunity, and convinced myself that it was a legit-enough reason to break my promise/motive. Though you told me to "get at you" I won't, yenno why? because I always do...why don't you get at me for a change? - This realization covers up my surrendering to my challenge last night. Believe it or not, I am excited for and have accepted that fact that I have to go to summerschool. It's a new experience and I will interact w/ more ppl from this new area, which can only make this summer more exciting. Also, leaving my dependance on YOU being the friend I want to spend time w/ this summer...b/c too little too late, a year or so has gone by...and barely anything has changed, so what will motivate me to wait any longer? "Happily ever after" were your words exactly, which would happen once my house could be located (supposed to mean chillages or something?) by you. Recently, it's on the map, and I COULD tell you, and test that "happily ever after", but what difference would it make, I just feel that you may not live up to my expectations. One day I may, but for now...I rather not. Prove that I have totally lost my dependance on you, before letting you back in. I need to prove to myslef that I can talk to you w/o getting back on the same train to unreturned attachment. It's my vulnerability to your words -.-
1.2. Though you do run through my mind as the face to the desire...I am also letting go of you at the same time. I'm finding less interest in you, hoping that what you write is about me when I KNOW IT'S NOT. I'm proud of myself of that. The day will come when I can put those feelings behind because I've got someone genuine for my own.

2.I have been on this rollercoaster of feelings and situations that I had to face to be where I am today. It was not easy, but recently I have found myself adapting to the changes in my environment--I mean, that is the only way I can grow. I can see my hard work paying off, and I can see the positive changes that are rising to the surface. I am definitely excited for the months to come > STOMP, summerschool, part-time job.

Ultimately, I am heading in the right direction, and I am definitely proud! ;D
Take this sinking boat and point it home (8)