1. don't ask me, cuz i don't even knoe what i want.
2. dreams: not reality
3. sleeping is a way to go somewhere else--relax. a way to make everything go away. & you wonder why i take a lot of naps..sometimes i just wanna sleep to get away from the boredom & frustration of everything. sometimes just can't find a reason to stay awake atm so i sleep early.
4. i'm happy for you, just not for me...
it's like you get my alternate world, my second chance.
5. you make me feel...for a moment. i know this isn't a crush, it's just a feeling--that's it...i know it's nothing & i don't want it to be. just happy for whoever will be yours.

never underestimate your friends especially the "best" kind...
they can surprise you so give them the benefit of the doubt.

Ive come to the time again when i must talk to someone...so here i go. i feel like its my fault its me who makes things awkward, its me who doesn't talk to make things any better, its me who has insecurity issues, me finding myself say "wow this is depressing" alotta times lately, me turning to this blog to vent becuz it seems no one else would find any interest in hearing it cuz its the same shit that i cant seem to change. its me who seems to be forgotten and of no help becuz of her own decisions to block out everyone else..me who has confrontation issues, me who is the genuine REASON for the saying "its easier said than done" i say ALOT OF THINGS esp. to myself trying to get myself to change but its also me who cant even follow through with what i promise myself..im weak and i noe words typed down into a blog stating my current mindset or goal just seems to get forgotten and not dealt with...so all i can do is keep saying it, keep feeling and and hope it sinks in...i needa be MISS INDEPENDENT TO THE FULLEST..im scared of being alone but in the event that i feel like how i do now and in the event that i am alone i need to learn how to stand on my own two feet, i need to take these insecurities and weaknesses of mine and turn them into time to get used to being alone and dealing with it..living with it..cuz as i wait trying to be "patient, cuz who ever reaaly noes".i need to beg myself to find the strength to find the good in any situation...wow who knew a little multiple choice quiz can say so much about me..cuz i find myself day-by-day agreeing with the results of this thing i did on fb and who i am...i noe, pathetic eh? resulting to a quiz to tell me who i am. but seriously i dont seem to listen to anyone else so whats the harm...
"What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence :| are yuu serious?!. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long."
nuff said. sad how i find it hard to find myself content.

the past couple of days I've been hearing wind chimes...is this symbolic or just a coincidence?! knowing me i googled the symbolism of wind chimes and what they mean just becuz i was curious & this is what i found...
"Wind chimes are symbolic of serenity and tranquility and are also thought to bring luck to whoever listens to them"
I heard them on ppl's porches as I left my house more than once even taking a different route I "coincidentally" passed by another house that had chimes and when I went to woodbine today I heard them again...is it just timing or symbolic?

"Do you still feel like you're not good enough?" Chase Adams OTH
"I don't think that will ever go away, you just have to deal with it yenno..." Brooke Davis OTH
when you feel like everyone else is moving but you...
when you feel invisible
when you feel unsettled, it needs to come out...
I guess it's true what they say, you have to love yourself before others can love you...

“Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?” Lucas on OTH

as i come to think of it...it might be a change for the better.
ps, new layout tis the result of insomnia and complete boredom (:

AUG.20/09
when days start off freaky and odd does it reflect the day to come?! soo after this day's events occured i found myself thinking bout the first thing i did this morning...tryna choose between wear my black polo or my blue roxy shirt and thinking bout how ppl say one decision has the power to change your whole day..im wondering if i chose to wear something different will it of made my day better or worse?!

AUG.21/09
when days start off freaky and odd does it reflect the day to come?! i woke up like 10 minutes late and couldnt call andres' broken cell and did have his house #....and jp house # -_-"....no need to go into detail but i found my ways and was relieved that this will still work out...then after a matter of bad timing and bad news we find ourselves in the same place....SUN COMES OUT and we' hear about an alternative thing that can happen if we choose...and all we can do and choose to do is to go for it becuz there is no guilt or paranoia attached..all that's left to say is we'll never know what today has in store in any aspect unless we live it out...

Decisions (8) playing as i write this :\ .."decisions decisions..so whatcha gunna do?!"
so i guess it still applies: everything happens for a reason & you never know how the rest of your day will end up..but does the universe give you signs of when you should give up or a way to test if you're willing to fight for it?! do events just foreshadow what will happen if you choose to do something in a certain way? iunnoe, what i believe tho is karma is a bitch. if a decision to wear something can change your day does that apply to whether you chose to wear a ring that you believe will make things happen the way you want--or not?! does a simple decision as that change your whole day?!

"Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't."finally got to watch this movie on August 16 with jamilee & elaine...and i loved it just as i thought i would (:..i dont think its like an other movie and i just find it plain cute!



"This is not a love story. This is a story about love." <3

i just watched gabe perform with Leejay & Passion @ Filipinos Making Waves yesterday and they were sooo effin amaazing i loved it and had a very live day! they juss seem so REAL and they got some genuine talent ;) gotta admit tho i was paying a lil more atention to gabe than the others but still like them all...seriously, they ARE THE FCKING BEST ♥ & i got a crush on a youtube star > G L and P (:
photo of glp from Mark Gomez & gabe's solo pic from Sarah Soliven

& pics of my purse autographed by Gabe Bondoc "jayne<3gabe"

kyea so today was a looong day...jamilee, elaine, adrian and i missioned dt to see the Flipinos Making Waves Festival and it was amaazing because GLP was there..GABE, LEEJAY, and PASSION are da fcken best! lmfao..seriously we were standing there early to get real close to the stage we STOOD THERE...sweating getting opushed and everything but it was soooooooo worth it! this was like the FIRST LIVE PERFORMANCE of ppl i wanted to see and it was UPCLOSE and it was FREE and i got a PICTURE and i got theyre autograph liek SHIT WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR ! loool..plus it was a beautiful day and i saw alotta ppl who i havent seen in a while soo it was really nice ;D soo this was an amaazing night and i never thought itwas possible to get a pic and autograph but we did..YESH cramped up AGAIN and waiting for n hour..but we refused to leave w/o one (: ..hahaha soo as they pointed out groups to come get it done..i was scared but excited cuz it was a big deal to me cuz it never happened to me before!...soo yea i got puushed out and told to walk and i got to them first outta our group and as i passed passion and leejay i said hi and smile and they did the same..OMG i melted ! lol..then i reached GABE and i just love his voice and smile AH!...he put his arm around me and we took a group picture (: then i asked himm to autograph my purse AND HE DID :D it says "JAYNE<3GABE" i will seriously keep it forever! lmfao i wanted all of them to sign it but ppl were juss lucky if they managaed to do both pic and signing so yea we were rushed out..but i was certianly glad to get gabe's autograph <3
seriously it was the best i ever had :P...
"gabe singing: i met you in the SUMMERTIME"
"passion singing: have it your way, like BK :P" lol
& leejay was SIICK period...cant even try to do it like him ;p
"glp singing: tdot is the place to be, you can find your boys GLP ;)"
and any line that they sang that involved "TDOT" we went craaaazy for!
and juss THEY WHOLE PERFORMANCE i couldnt stop screaming, and smiling and juss enjoy'n maself <3 XD LIVE TINGZ yo <3 THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY SUMMER becuase it was this day that we got our "concert experience", i got to see YOUTUBE SINGERS that i love off esp during my summer days, i got to see ppl that ive wanted to see :P, got to do a lil bit of shopping, GOT A SMOOTHIE, killed my sushi craving:P lol and got A AUTOGRAPH AND PIC W. GLP baaaby <3 i will never forget it (:

from the 8th to the 11th we were staying with our cousin elaine @ her place in milton...this was a pretty live sleepover we swam twice, made pretzels, went shopping @ vaughn, rented movies, rearranged her room and more! we had real talks and now i am "less" afraid of dogs lmfaaao..and yea a great experience and beautiful memories w/ fam (:

pretty amaazing what patience can doo.
transformers = my sexy love (;
basically today i never expected much to happen but it ended up beeing a pretty cool day..
we just came with my dad to go pick up my mom and while we waited we went to the library...yeah never thought i'd want to but i did cuz i need something to do at home :P lol..but yea after that we went to dixie mall, than square one, than a seafood buffet..THAN we watched transformers 2 @ 9:45 PM ! lol a very cool day spent w/ fam (: ♥

"the littlest thing make you feel empowered."